Hello Dear Friends,

Most of us have come to Christ with more baggage than we care to acknowledge. This stuff makes us stumble and fall when we try to carry it with us. If we could always give it to Christ - and let Him carry it - we would have much more freedom. This issue is about freedom.

Freedom to be dependant on God and give up the ideas and habits that have kept us bound in the world for too many years. Freedom to let go and freedom to let God. Join us in the battle cry of... "Freedom!"

With Christ's Incredible Love,
      Janel Messenger
editor of The Christian Woman's Page

Are your friends continually pointing out your relationship failures? Are you excusing and tolerating behaviors that are unacceptable and hurtful? Have you compromised your values, purity, and love of God for a lie?

Do these statements reflect how you feel, or what you do? If so, you may be one of the many women, who are "Addicted to love" and relationships. I certainly was. I had spent my entire life on a quest to find love and approval from boys, and later men. I would experience extreme "highs" if all was going well in my relationships, and would then plummet to the depths of despair if I didn't receive the nightly phone call or if my partner disappointed me. My life revolved around looking a certain way, acting in a certain manner, and compromising myself, and my values -- all in the name of love. I put myself in highly compromising situations. Now, years later, as a Small Group Leader in a woman's healing ministry, I can see just how insidious and how prevalent these issues are amongst Christian women, both single and married. God offers us perfect love and freedom through his Son, but learning to transfer our heart's longing to the true source of contentment is challenging and takes time.

All through the Bible, God speaks of idolatry. How I hated to compare my "love-focus" to idolatry. But God makes it very clear that he wants our attention to be on Him first and foremost. When I was spending my every waking moment, thinking about, worrying about, and lusting over the current object of my affection, I was practicing a form of worship, therefore I was focused on an idol! This misdirected worship had to be refocused back to the only One truly worthy of my praise - Jesus Christ. The following process, and yes it is a process, has worked successfully for many women, myself included.

1. Identify the problem. I had to acknowledge, or admit that I was in the grip of a very serious problem/addiction/sin. I was out of control and that I needed help. Without the realization of the struggle I was in, healing remained out of reach.

2. Tell someone about my problem. Confession, with me, had to start with crying out to God. He loves us no matter what. I will say this again. God loves you no matter what! His Word states "Nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8) When I repented and asked Him for help, the other steps became attainable. I also had to share my secret with someone else. Someone trustworthy, who cared, and would direct me towards healing and wholeness.

3. Join an accountability or support group. I am blessed to attend a church that offers an array of healing classes. One of them was titled For Women Only. This class focused on women desiring to find healing and grace from love and sexual addictions. This issue cannot be kept a secret. The fact is that sexual sin is in our churches. It is critical to find a group of women to meet and share both failures and growth with. I had to be able to "tell on myself" for some time before I began to walk free from my previous behaviors. I needed someone who loved, and supported me, unconditionally.

4. Pray and worship. I learned to pray daily. I had to replace my old way of thinking with new thoughts. This involved reading God's Word, and praying His Word out loud in order to replace my old negative thinking. In addition to my Bible, I utilized uplifting audiotapes while driving, worship music, daily devotional books, as well as other Christian books on related topics. Goal - keep my thoughts focused on God. Becoming God focused rather than self-focused is a commitment I have had to make with the realization the process will be on going until the day I meet Jesus face to face.

5. Reach out and help someone. Finally, I couldn't keep all of God's "goodies" to myself. Eventually, I had a testimony of hope and healing to share. It is so important to know we are not alone in any of our struggles. When we move out of isolation into acceptance and grace, healing becomes possible. And through Jesus Christ all things are possible!

“Can you walk her home?” my parents asked. I remember walking home from the party with the man who hurt me. I was 12. The street was quiet, but my mind was roaring. Carefully, I watched the shadows on the street, the trees, the telephone poles and the 2 silent people. In the shadows, I could see me walking ahead of him to keep my distance. His slow easy gait followed behind seemingly unaware of the torture he was putting me through. When we got to my street, I told him I could go the rest of the way myself. I ran home, leaving him on the corner to watch. That night I remembered what I had tried to forget. When I was 10, he molested me.

My parents knew, I told them right after it happened. What needed to happen just didn’t. It was denial. As a result, my 12-year-old brain was raging at my parents for not realizing what they were doing. They were allowing a child molester to walk me home. I was angry and confused. I cried out to God. Honestly, I don’t know how I knew he was my only hope. I was being raised Catholic, getting saved or giving our lives to Jesus just wasn’t being taught, from what I can remember.

Something happened that night, while I stared out the bathroom window looking at a full moon. I found God. He rescued me from the anger and confusion I was experiencing. It’s a wonder to me how naturally I knew what I needed to say. “Jesus, I put my life in your hands, do what you want with it. I don’t understand why this horrible thing happened to me or why my parents didn’t do anything, but I am going to trust you anyway.” With my eyes transfixed on the moon, I came to know the God who made it. Now when I look up in the sky and see that moon, it reminds me of the day I decided to trust Jesus as my Savior.

My salvation was the good that came out of the evil. Understanding that such transformations take place sustained me through the years. Knowing Jesus really kept me from self-destructing. It would have been great if God instantly “healed” me that night. However, behaviors were already set in motion. It would take time to fix them. For example, after the abuse initially happened, I felt different. I clammed up and felt I was now different from the other girls in my class. Though I gave my heart to Jesus I still chose, unhealthy methods to deal with things. But what did I know? I was only 12.

The reaction to abuse is unique to the person. For me the outlook that would stay with me for the next 10 years started that night. The shadows were a safe refuge on the walk home. They let me know who was walking near me. They were my comfort because I could see what was going on. Walking in the shadows I could hide from the world. No one would see the hurt and pain that was inside. I became a shadow to hide what happened to me. Silence and denial became my way of dealing with the betrayal.

I was too young to handle the healing that needed to take place. Essentially, I tied God’s hands until I was ready. It would be 10 years, before I said a word about what happened. The abuse and the not talking about it affected me in so many ways. It altered my personality and shaped me into who I am. God alone was the only one I confided my fears and pain to.

Silence is an unhealthy way to deal with abuse. I see that now. If we could all go back and do things the right way, I wonder how life would be different for my family and me. Regardless of the struggles I have experienced and the issues I have had to deal with I can’t get away from the fact that because this happened, I found Jesus and he found me.

In high school, my shyness was a drain on me. I felt awkward around people and was terrified to date. I had trust issues and low self-esteem. Kids can see that and they make you feel worse than you already do. They kick you when you are down. So high school wasn’t a good experience for me. Then one day, Jesus popped his head up to see if I might like to try things a different way. I was already an outcast, why not be a Jesus freak too? So I started to study my Bible. The salvation I experienced when I was 12 finally began to transform a shadow into a person.

The college years were much better. I found Christian friends, who blessed my life. The comfort of not being an outcast or a freak was a good environment to grow in. For the first time in my life I had friends who cared about my journey with God. Though I didn’t talk about my childhood hurts with them, I was learning to trust and function in victory not victimization.

The fear of dating someone disappeared when I fell in love. That was a miracle in my life. He helped bring me out of my self-imposed shell. As we grew closer to each other, I felt compelled to talk to him about what happened. The strength and the mere idea of talking about it could only have come from my deepening relationship with my Savior. In knowing Jesus better, studying his Word and beginning to believe his promises, I had untied his hands so he could begin to heal me.

One day, I worked up my nerve and I told my boyfriend. He was so supportive. The weight of my world lifted from my shoulders. It was truly amazing how free I felt. He encouraged me to seek some kind of counseling, which I did in dribs and drabs. I cherished the freedom. Now, I had someone who knew the real me. If I needed to talk I had someone I could go to. Knowing I could talk about it with someone made all the difference in the world. Trusting someone gave me hope that I would turn out all right despite what happened and how I had formally chosen to deal with it. Though we eventually broke up, he was still an integral support to me for years to come.

During one of my “dribs and drabs” counseling sessions, the importance of forgiveness was presented to me. From the Christian standpoint we are called to forgive because God has forgiven us. This doesn’t negate what has happened to us, it allows us to let go of the bitterness and hatred. Sometimes, I have found you have to forgive again and again, as new anger resurfaces and new issues come up. It is best to ask God for the grace to forgive. We need to trust that God will take care of the judgments that will fall upon the guilty person. Whether it is through the judicial system or God’s own unique chastisement, no evil deed will go unnoticed from God’s eyes.

At a college retreat, a speaker shared how he was abused when he was 3 years old and never told a soul for 40 years, not even his wife. It was just eating him up. God wanted him to stop denying it happened and be healed. He used the example of Adam and Eve wearing fig leaves to cover up their nakedness. There was no reason to hide. God knew the truth. Adam and Eve knew the truth. God wanted them to be honest about what happened so he could restore them, eventually. God wanted to restore this particular speaker as well. He took off his fig leaves and told his wife. Eventually, he was able to share his hurts and experiences from the pulpit. He looked me straight in the eye in the middle of a crowd of people and said: “Someone in here needs to take off their fig leaves and stop hiding what happened to you. Stop denying it so you can be healed.” Whoa! A burning sensation came over me and I started shaking. Turning around, I looked at my then ex-boyfriend and he looked at me. We both knew this guy was talking to me.

The time had come to take the fig leaves off. I knew what I had to do. My old boyfriend prayed for me and held me accountable to making this next step: Remind my parents of what happened. They would know I had not forgotten. I could stop holding it all in and pretending I was ok. And I would finally know why nothing was ever really done. Sitting down with my parents and talking about all this stuff was a huge undertaking. It sure did lighten the load.

What I had learned so far is it takes time to heal. Salvation didn’t bring automatic restoration, but knowing Jesus started me on a healing journey in addition to all the other joys of being a child of God. When I was open to healing, God found ways to deal with unique issues that are hard to even verbalize. Forgiveness is for me to feel better, not to let the perpetrator off the hook. Finding someone to confide in brought a definite sense of freedom. Telling the truth did hurt, but silence hurt more. The intervention of certain people helped me to see it was not my fault and I am more than a shadow. People saw the shape and knew that there was more to me. They helped release me from the shadows and showed me that there is depth, beauty, grace and Jesus in me. I am the hope of his glory.

For you, I hope for 3 things. First for you to see the transforming power of God that turned a shadow of a broken girl into a woman that desires his work in her life. For you to seek out and pray for healing for yourself and/or your loved ones touched with abuse. And finally for you to be encouraged that though your own healing journey may be long it will be worth if we walk with Jesus. He goes before us and stays beside us.

"I have some concerns."

The ultrasound technician finally spoke, breaking a long silence while studying the picture of my wife’s womb. Two heads, four arms — twins eleven weeks old. But only two legs were visible, perhaps a third, instead of four. Are the babies just close together? I wondered as I stared at the ultrasound. But the technician and doctors told us later that they saw the image as confirmation of shocking news: our twin babies were conjoined.

I had heard the word conjoined three weeks earlier when the first ultrasound was taken, but had pushed it away in my mind. My wife, Vaneice, and I had three other beautiful children — Mikayla, 9; Troy, 6; and Annelise, 4 — all healthy kids, all gifts from God. My faith revealed Him as a God of goodness, a God of miracles. If something were wrong with our unborn babies, He would heal them in the womb.

Over the next four months, our emotions rose and fell. We found out the twins were girls. But in each follow-up appointment, the doctors failed to find a fourth leg in the ultrasound. Their talk about how the twins were conjoined was so ambiguous, I felt they might be mistaken about the whole thing. I walked away from some appointments thinking,It’s not that bad. Maybe they just can’t find the fourth leg and there’s only minor conjoining. Other times, though, I wasn’t so sure. This sounds scary.

Needing more definite answers and expertise, Vaneice and I drove to Children’s Hospital in Seattle on December 23, 1999, and met with Dr. John Waldhausen, a pediatric surgeon. He not only confirmed that the girls were conjoined but also showed us a diagram of how it looked. He said they were ischiopagus tripus twins, meaning they were joined all the way from their breastbone to their pelvis and shared a third leg. There was no fourth leg.

As the doctor explained statistics and risks, I couldn’t take them in. I don’t believe it, I said to myself as I studied the diagram.The twins can’t be joined like this.

Vaneice and I left the hospital in shock and emotional turmoil. Although bewildered, we soon decided that in the event Dr. Waldhausen was correct, we would pursue a surgery that would separate the twins, but only if both girls had an excellent chance of survival.

We never considered aborting them. The culture says it’s easy and legal to terminate the pregnancy, but we believe that there is a God and that no one has the right to take a human life just because it’s imperfect or inconvenient. Thus far we had seen the twins only in ultrasound images. Though they apparently shared a misshaped body, we loved them and wanted them as much as we loved and wanted our other children. We felt confident that God would see us through this trial — but how?

While I worked and Vaneice managed our home, we prayed for a miracle — that the doctors were wrong, that all the evidence we saw wasn’t true. We asked God to heal our babies in the womb. If they ended up being conjoined, we asked Him that they’d both have all vital body parts so they could be separated and live.

But when Vaneice delivered Kathleen Faith and Charity Mae by Cesarean section on February 21, 2000, my faith plummeted. I walked into the birthing suite and saw my daughters conjoined, just as Dr. Waldhausen had said. Charity looked as though she was coming out of Kathleen’s stomach. While I took in the sight, devastated, the medical staff in the room responded with “Congratulations!” and “They’re beautiful!”

The twins were beautiful to me; they were my children. But I struggled to accept the responses of outsiders as genuine. How can they act as though nothing is wrong when my children are so severelyconjoined?

Vaneice, in another room and still groggy from the C-section, hadn’t seen the twins yet. “They’re conjoined,” I told her. “It looks pretty bad.”

Sensing my emotions, she encouraged me, “We’ll get through it.”

Later in the intensive care unit, I stood before the girls, looking down on their young, sweet souls. My tears began flowing; I wept uncontrollably. My hopes and faith seemed to drain from me. All the energy we had poured into praying, asking for a miracle. What happened? Has God forsaken me? Looking at the twins lying in their crib, I couldn’t imagine how they could be separated without a miracle.

Over the next few months, I tried to pray but felt as though the breath had gone out of me. The words slipped out in hushed tones. On a conscious level, I prayed that Kathleen and Charity would have all the necessary parts so they could be successfully separated. On a deeper level, I also wondered why God would allow this to happen to our children. I didn’t place the blame on Him, though. He had seen me through a horrible bout with Crohn’s disease in 1998, when I spent two weeks in the hospital and nearly died. Also, when Vaneice carried our son, Troy, doctors expressed concern about his development; but thanks to the prayers of many, he’s in perfect health.

Still, the question of why this was happening filled my mind. Instead of blaming the God who had remained faithful in the past, I could only look inward to place blame. Maybe I didn’t have enough faith to pray for healthy babies. Maybe I’m apart from God. Maybe, maybe, maybe. . . .

As our lives went on, Vaneice and I adjusted to diapering and feeding conjoined twins and keeping up with our other kids. Gradually, I accepted the conjoining God had allowed. I saw it as a terrible thing that happened to God’s children because we live in a fallen world.

I began to focus more on the upcoming surgery for separating the girls. The doctors discovered that they had two livers, fused together. They shared a bladder, part of the small intestine, and all of the colon. Their reproductive organs and pelvises were fused. The doctors confirmed that though both girls had an equal chance of survival, there were still significant risks. They gave a 15 percent chance that either Kathleen or Charity — or both — would die during the procedure. Nevertheless, we set September 30 for the surgery.

Three months before the operation, plastic surgeons inserted fluid-filled tissue expanders beneath the girls’ skin in their chest and flanks. This would help their skin stretch to cover the large gap in their sides created by the surgery. Twice a week Vaneice injected fluid into the expanders. Are we making the right decision? I wondered as she guided the needle into their skin. So much has to happen for separation to work.

Other questions surfaced as well. What choice do we have? If the twins remain together, how will they get around? In a special wheelchair? A special car? How will they adjust socially?

At Children’s Hospital the day of the surgery, Vaneice and I prayed over Kathleen and Charity, committing them to God first and then releasing them to a team of more than 30 medical personnel. I thought about the trauma they would face in the coming hours, believing things would work out. We waited with family, uplifted by God’s peace that could come only because so many were praying. The nurse’s positive updates during the surgery sustained us even more.

Thirty hours later, on October 1, Vaneice and I saw Charity for the first time apart from her sister. Kathleen’s surgery took another hour. When I finally saw both girls, I felt as though I were in a dream. So much turmoil before, so many questions. I’d been so careful to guard my hope. Now I saw a miracle of God in creating separate bodies for our precious daughters.

Kathleen and Charity celebrated their first birthday with two cakes. At different times since the surgery, I’ve thanked the Lord for what He’s done, but especially one recent evening. As I watched them play on the living room floor, crawling and laughing, it struck me how things seem so normal. Thank You, Jesus, I said to myself again.

But challenges still face us: rehab for both girls; Charity’s scoliosis caused by the conjoining and her left rib cage, pushed up, that needs to come down to normal position; the question of how the twins will get around, since there’s no hip socket or stub on which to attach a prosthetic leg.

No matter what happens, Vaneice and I will do whatever it takes to help the girls. More than ever, I see how important it is to be committed to our kids, to fight for them. Obviously, not just my children but all children need their parents’ unswerving commitment. I’m glad that God’s grace enabled Vaneice and me to help our kids and that He honors that commitment with His miracle-working power.

But God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

My latest downfall began with a donut. When my forever hungry twelve-year-old son asked if we could stop for donuts after church one Sunday, I planned on getting only six. I figured he and his father could easily down three each. None for me since I can’t eat anything with sugar. It makes me sick.

Usually I send the kids in with the money, but this time, since he was the only one with us, I accompanied him myself. Big mistake. The salesgirl pointed out that “for only a dollar more, you can get a whole dozen.” I never could pass up a bargain, so, like a kid poring over a Christmas catalogue, I studied the racks of sweets.

"One coconut-covered chocolate one can’t hurt,” I reasoned. “It can’t have that much sugar in it.”

So one coconut-covered chocolate donut went into the box. Then the skinny, old-fashioned glazed because I figured it, too, had a lower sugar content than the fatter ones. On the way home, I chowed down the chocolate donut and shared the old-fashioned glazed with my husband out of guilt.

No thunder rolled, no lightening zapped because I caved in. But it was easier to raid the cookie jar on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, even though I was beginning to feel the effects of the sugar – tired, achy, irritable, and craving more sweets.

Sugar’s effects on my body are no different than sin’s effects on my soul. Nursing a grudge, listening to gossip, or stretching the truth may all seem harmless at first, but can poison my spirit and interfere with my relationship with God. Saying “no” in the first place makes it a lot easier to stay healthy – physically and spiritually.

Dear God, remind me that, big or small, a donut is still a donut. Help me to refuse that first bite. Amen.

God’s word tells us He has a plan for our lives. Often that plan begins with a desire He places in our hearts. He lights the fire within. Now how will we respond? When we find ourselves ready to fan a flame, God is there to teach us the importance of posture, positioning and preparation. 

Unmistakable. Undeniable. Unending. My love of music. It’s there. It has always been there, weaving its way through my heart and my imagination.

There was one special day I still remember when some Christian musicians came to our home, preparing along with my father, for a revival crusade. I watched with excitement from the corner of the room, listening with wonder as their voices blended in perfect harmony. Their faces expressed a joy and worship that drew me right into the room, right up to the piano that overflowed with sounds unlike any I had ever heard before from our living room.

 For me, it was like magic, the way those accompanists played. How their fingers seemed so in touch with the music God placed in their hearts…how it flowed seamlessly all over the keyboard. I doubt if my eyes could have been any bigger as I took it all in. It was as if, in that moment, God was whispering in my ear “Someday, Nancy, I will use you in that same way, to sing my praises from your heart, with your hands.”

A flame lit within the center of my soul; and it began to burn - a passion, a desire, a curiosity, a vision, and a hope. I don’t think I could even quite put it into words back then; but I knew. I just knew. And so, my musical journey began.

I remember how excited I was when my parents told me they arranged for me to begin taking piano lessons. I couldn’t wait to learn how to make music. My six-year-old imagination was swirling with possibilities. I would now have a creative way to express what was inside; I would have a place to fully experience the love, the joy, the excitement, and the warmth that God had gifted to me. It was as if I knew, even at that young age, that He had written songs in my heart, and that this would be my way to sing them. It was there – that spark, that anticipation. It was always there.

The day I longed for finally came – my first piano lesson. However, I soon discovered that my first lesson was not exactly what I imagined it would be. My mother and I rode the bus to my teacher’s house. There it was, standing on a lot all by itself. It seemed so spacious compared to the row house we lived in. As we hurried along the walkway toward the house, that sense of awe and wonder inside my heart was stirring even more, confirming in my mind that I was indeed in for something special, something really big.

A woman who introduced herself as my teacher’s mother greeted us at the front door. She invited us to take a seat in the living room while she announced our arrival. My mother settled in with a book to read as she prepared to wait for me.

Then she came in, a rather tall slender pretty young woman. I remember looking up at her with brown eyes full of anticipation, as if she were my fairy godmother, here to grant my wish and transform me into a wonderful pianist. I just knew that after our first session together I would go home and begin playing wonderful sounds. She, however, had a different lesson plan for our beginning.

She led me into her music room, and I took a seat at the piano, next to her. Then we talked. No, we didn’t play. We talked. She explained to me that there were some basic things I had to learn first before I could make the music my mind imagined. It seemed as if she spent forever talking about how to sit at the piano, where to sit, and how to hold my hands. She explained a little about how the piano was made and introduced me to the pedals, which my feet could barely touch. My determination battled with my impatience as I listened intently. 

Posture…positioning…preparation…posture…positioning… preparation. For an eager six year old, those things seemed unimportant. I just wanted to jump in and make things happen. Funny, I had my own concept of how this was to unfold. Yet, she had a different plan for me. I was about to learn not only patience and timing, but also trust in my teacher.

Before I knew it, our time came to an end. My teacher closed that first lesson by having me sit next to her as she played that beautiful grand piano, creating sounds that truly mesmerized me. I watched as her nimble fingers seemed to glide all over that keyboard with such ease, such power, such softness, so full of expression. She played with all of her being. Magic. It was almost as if I were playing with her.

I closed my eyes and saw my little fingers moving just like hers, creating such beauty. I couldn’t wait for more. I looked up at her with a heart full of hope, and she smiled down at me as she played and spoke softly, “Someday, Nancy, you will play this music as well." The flame burned a little brighter.

So it has been throughout my life. God has brought things across my path frequently to remind me of what is required of me as I seek to grow in my relationship with Him. How do I come to Him? How do I prepare for my time with Him? How do I ready myself for the experiences He has in store for me? How do I demonstrate trust in Him as my teacher? Am I in such a rush to make things happen that I don’t take time to prepare my mind? My heart?

“Be still and know that I am God,” His word says (Psalm 46:10). I do know how it feels when I allow myself a moment to just sit there quietly in front of the piano, to clear my mind and my heart as I prepare for what I am to express and experience. When I do take time to be still, I am better able to hear His voice, His melody. I begin to sense for myself what I am going to share. The emphasis then is not just on the results, but also on what happens within my own soul as the music flows. I don’t just give something to the listener. We become connected by what we experience together.

I know I need to be a good steward of the talent God has given me; and I need to ”give of my best to the Master,” as the familiar hymn encourages. Yet, it’s not simply about performing. It’s about listening closely to the music He has written on my heart, experiencing it within my soul, and then expressing that message to others in a way that encourages them to hear with their hearts as well. But it all begins with posture, positioning, and preparation.

And so I began, and continue today, to make myself ready and to wait in wonder for all that is to come. On a personal note…

* How do you come before God?
* How do you present yourself to Him?
* How do you prepare your heart and your mind for the things He wants to do in your life?
* How do you approach the experiences He has put before you as you move through each day? 

Take time to meditate on Psalm 46:10 which says “Be still and know that I am God.” Then as this day unfolds for you, as you carry out the tasks before you, consider what you are experiencing personally along the way. 

Posture…positioning…preparation. "May your journey bring you songs of joy."

   Nancy is a speaker, licensed professional counselor, life coach and consultant. She maintains a private practice in the Houston, Texas area where she guides adults in focusing on a variety of life management issues. She celebrates a marriage of almost 30 years with her husband, Solon, and is the proud mother of two young adult sons. She is active in the counseling support and music ministries of her church where she enjoys worshipping the Lord at the piano.

I felt a wonderful freedom - I kicked off my shoes and wiggled my toes, I put the top down on my car and let my hair blow as I reveled in the sunshine. Wasn't it great to be out from under the encumbrances of winter?

Sometimes our religion can make us feel more like we do in winter, bound up in rules and regulations. But that is not how God designed it to be. We can feel free in our faith, shedding the binding clothing of outmoded traditions and focus on the core issues of a relationship with Christ. It doesn't truly matter if we attend church on Saturday, Saturday night, as I do, or on Sunday - or even if we attend at all, as long as we strengthen our faith through Bible reading and fellowship as addressed in Hebrews 10:25, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another" (NIV). However, church attendance is a great way to accomplish this. 

As a woman, I have often felt guilty when I do not measure up to a certain set of "norms" I thought were expected of me. How freeing it has been for me to do a study of Scripture and see that these standards are tradition, not salvation; religion, not relationship. I can keep my maiden name professionally, I can have a career, I can be a mom - or not. As long as my husband and I are in agreement on these issues, I have that freedom!

In God's Word, Romans 7:6 says, "But now that we're... out from under all those oppressive regulations and fine print, we're free to live a new life in the freedom of God". (The Message) If you have felt that religion is restraining you, I encourage you to do a study of God's Word this coming season. Question the regulations and fine print that you find oppressive. Find out what faith is really all about. You'll discover a new life in the freedom of God! You'll discover that the "church lady" doesn't live here anymore!

 Wiggle your toes, let your hair blow, bask in the freedom!

Our forefathers shed their blood for the freedoms you and I know today. They fought on our soil and in foreign lands, sent by the government officials who make such decisions. For freedom and liberty, many people in the world would give anything to live in the U.S.A.

Yet, are we truly free? Abusing our freedom by making poor choices is no freedom at all. It is a matter of time until we are enslaved in bondage worse than any tyrant who has ruled. Turning from God and worshipping, puts chains around our hearts and souls.

Slavery is evil, even though the person could be purchased, the soul was forever free. Why surrender to captivity again? Paying taxes to support our defenses is necessary. We want security and peace, but if we war within ourselves, is there enough money to redeem us?

Thank God that He made Exodus possible for all of us.  He led us out of our own 'Egypt', from our pharaohs and through the desert. Do we trust Him to lead us to the Promised Land? Christ made the ultimate sacrifice. His blood frees us from the evil one. Death no longer wins. The victory of an empty tomb becomes the battle flag around which we rally. What God has freed cannot again be enslaved. His mark is upon us. Our Medals of Honor are the things we do in love in His name. Our freedom is in Christ. For Christians, everyday is Independence Day!

Was there a time in your life before marriage or children where you were a few pounds lighter? Maybe just a few sizes smaller? Have you experienced lately where you may shed two or three pounds and then gain it right back and maybe even a few pounds extra? Have you during pregnancy gained quite a bit of weight, had the baby and lost the weight except maybe fifteen or twenty pounds? And no matter what you did you still could not shed those last few pounds? I know that this is far reaching, and that not many women experience this, but have you had the problem of not being able to do anything about that derrière? For some unknown reason it continues to spread or run in the opposite direction!

There are many so-called experts with the so-called guaranteed workout that is going to help you get and stay fit! I want to focus on the SPIRITUAL WORKOUT to make sure we don’t neglect the workout that matters the most.

The Believer's Total Faith Workout

Have you ever joined a health club? Have you ever bought weights, workout equipment, or exercise videos and you never used them? Do they just sit on the shelf collecting dust? Years ago, I bought a two year membership at a health club to take advantage of the swimming pool during pregnancy. After the initial tour and visit, I never once stepped inside the facility again. The money spent for services was not refundable, just money wasted. Over the years I have accumulated weights, workout equipment, accessories, and many, many, exercise videos. I have only one video that I really like and use periodically.

I want to ask you today Where Is Your Faith? Do you give your faith a total workout every day? You cannot begin a workout without the proper tools. You first need to get the equipment to exercise your faith. In Romans 10:17, it says, “So faith comes from hearing and hearing by the word of Christ.” That let’s us know right there that STEP 1 is to Read and Hear the Word of Christ.

You can never make time stand still, nor can you recapture time wasted, lost or thrown away. Likewise to have all the equipment or tools and not utilize them would not give you any results. It would be time wasted and never again able to regain. That is why it is so important for us to take advantage of the time given to us.

STEP 2 is to be a Doer of the Word. James 1:22 says, “But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.” If you expect results, you have to put some action up there! In Matthew 7:24-27 it says that those who hear His words and do them may be compared to a wise man who built his house upon a rock, and no matter what came against that house, it will still stand. That should be our daily goal spiritually; that no matter what comes our way in the end we are still standing!

STEP 3 is to Be Steadfast. James 1:3-4 says, acknowledging that “the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” And I Peter 1:7 states that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Do you know that not only in our time but also back in those days gold was worth a whole lot? We need to know that our faith is more precious than gold!

Any workout program is complicated in the beginning. It takes a lot of discipline but if you keep at it each day, you can do a little bit more and keep adding. Likewise in the spiritual realm you have to bear pain, hardship, and adversity. You have to continue, to tolerate, in spite of fatigue and circumstances. But in the end we can endure!

STEP 4 is to put on a Garment of Praise. I Thessalonians 5:18 “in everything give thanks; for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus.” Praise is an important part of a Christian’s life. The Bible says God inhabits the praises of his people. When we praise Him no matter what the situation is, we are getting Him involved. Each day as you begin to exercise these four steps, over time not only will you have acquired STRENGTH in this area, but you are guaranteed to achieve A TOTAL FAITH WORKOUT!

“I can’t ever remember a time when my mother held me,” said my white haired neighbor.

With tears rising up in my eyes I told her, “I can’t hold you, but I can hold your hand.” The years flashed before me as I stroked her hand. In my lifetime, Mary has always had white hair. She has always sat on the porch in the evening and fed the neighborhood pets. She has always been old to me, even though she really wasn’t that old, until recently.

Mary turned 80 in March. Practically over night, this spry happy woman doing for others and minding the business of the neighborhood declined in health. “I want happy Mary back” was my plea for her to fight.

In-between naps in her dark, stuffy living room she dwells on her miserable childhood. From bits and pieces of stories she has told me over the years, her mother was an invalid and married to a tyrant. Her remarks about her childhood hold much more sadness than I ever remember. It almost seems as though the wounds are as fresh as if they happened yesterday, not 70 years ago.

I don’t know specifically why her childhood haunts her. Was it the struggle of growing up during the Depression with a miserly father? Was it the unloving, invalid mother or the responsibility of taking care of siblings? Was it seeing her oldest brother run away because of the father’s tyranny? Were there unimaginable abuses taking place? The things people didn’t talk about back then. I’ll never ask. I am not sure I want to know. Whatever this dear woman went through as a child still haunts her in her final days. It shouldn’t be this way. 60 years with a good husband and 4 kids didn’t erase the painful memories in a little girl’s mind or enable Mary to forgive her parents for her wounded heart.

Mary had an adversary that wasn’t interested in protecting her heart or letting her enjoy her childhood. Whether physical or spiritual, the enemy seeks to kill the heart. The enemy knows that children are dangerous. Jesus speaks so highly of them in Matthew 18:3-4. “I tell you the truth unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this little child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Children are well-known for their ability to have great faith. The kind of faith that forgives no matter what, trusts without proof and dreams big dreams. Childlike faith is a key to the kingdom. It is the pulse of the body of Christ. It is the treasure of each child.

Knowing this the enemy seeks to kill and destroy the hearts of children because then he cripples their childlike faith. The evil one keeps after the children, raping them, bullying them, verbally crushing their dreams, maiming them with disease, speaking lies by using his evil cohorts, but also parents, teachers, friends, even preachers.

Mary is full bitterness and unforgiveness toward her parents because of what happened to her as a child. Her heart was broken. I wonder how life would have been different if someone had stood up to protect her heart. How do you protect a child’s heart and ultimately their childlike faith? How does the adult reclaim what was lost? In my own quest to answer these questions I read and studied 3 books with very similar themes.

In The Allure of Hope, The Sacred Romance and The Journey of Desire the importance of living from the heart is addressed. We cannot give up on the desires of our heart. We cannot think of ourselves as foolish for having goals that others think are silly or unattainable. We cannot let the hardships and abuses of our life stop us from living life with hope and wonder and an open heart.

Jesus said, “whoever humbles himself like this little child will be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” I don’t know what being the greatest in the kingdom of heaven entails, but it is probably something incredible. I don’t want to miss out on anything God is offering. So if this means taking a risk to see the desires of my heart fulfilled, then I am going to take a chance. If it means facing my “demons” or tackling some “issue”, then I am going to do it. Because of this, I am becoming like that humble child, who doesn’t lose heart or faith.

For the adult as well as the child, childlike faith encompasses a persons ability to trust without question the actions and motives of God. We might wonder “why”, but we need to eventually come back to “Not my will, but your will be done.” Childlike faith wakes you up in the morning ready for anything, expectant of discovery and exploration, but also content to wait for the adventure to start in his time. Childlike faith dreams big because we have a big God and the worst he can say is “No.” All of this wild and reckless heart pounding faith is lived out without the shame of appearing foolish. Besides I think I would rather look a little reckless and know I am trusting God, than be empty of dreams and trust no one.

However, living with this kind of reckless faith is near impossible if the heart has been crushed like Mary’s was. A 5^th grader was telling me that when she grows she doesn’t want to work for her father’s catering business. She wants to be a dancer. A year ago, I probably would have discouraged her from such a “silly” pursuit. If she stays true to her heart’s desire it could happen. The world needs dancers; she might be one of them. How crushing it would be for her little heart if her parents or I told her it isn’t a realistic goal or it is a foolish dream. In time, she may realize she would rather be a computer programmer and just dance for fun. Letting her sift through and discover on her own what she wants to do with her life will keep her heart whole.

In the news was the kidnap and murder of 5-year-old Samantha Runnion. What a beautiful, trusting child she was. She just wanted to help the man find his puppy. She had a noble and helpful heart. Children need to be protected because they are so trusting, I think of the little playmate that witnessed the kidnapping and so accurately described the perpetrator. How will this event affect her heart? What scars will she carry? How can we protect childlike faith in the face of such evil?

We need to remember we have an enemy that seeks to kill and destroy. Kill a child’s heart and you handicap him from ever being an adult with childlike faith. The heart enables a person to live with childlike faith. So in the face of evil we can’t lose heart. I hope Samantha’s friends and playmates are taught this.

Samantha’s violent death is evidence that this is a fallen world and sin abounds. We can try to prevent heartache, but it still happens. Traumatic childhood experiences just keep happening and they don’t go away. They embed themselves in our memories and come back uninvited. When these heart-hardening events of life happen, we must remember our enemy wants to kill our heart. We can’t let him win. Honestly, mourning, not sinning in our anger or hiding our feelings keeps the heart alive. Do not be afraid to feel or be broken because it comes with the territory of the heart.

Knowing, understanding and even expecting that your heart will break in life will actually keep the heart alive. If we commit to accepting that heartbreak is apart of life and not let hurt and disappointment force us in thinking it is easier not to care or hope or love. We cannot let children or ourselves say, “No” to heartbreak, because then we say “No” to living with our heart. We say, “No” to living with childlike faith. We say, “No” to being one of the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

We must learn to say, “Yes” to living with the heart. Say, “Yes” to fighting the enemy of our heart. Say, “Yes” to accepting all that God brings our way, the heart bursting and the heart breaking. In so doing, you keep your heart alive and live in childlike faith.

Happy Mary is back for the most part. After some time in the hospital she is on the road to recovery, back on the porch and feeding the neighborhood cats. She wanted to die because she didn’t want to see her husband die. She didn’t want her heart to feel pain again. He is still alive, and she still has more time to say, “Yes.”

Several weeks ago I found myself engaged in a serious hunt for a potted, red Geranium. I had decided that my sun deck needed a shock of color at the far end and in my opinion nothing would work there but a red Geranium. So I drove down to our local nursery to see if they had any in stock. And as I meandered through the nursery, enjoying the wide variety of flowers and trees, I noticed the most beautiful butterfly flitting about. It seemed like such a perfect complement to this small nursery that it was almost as if the owner had the butterfly shipped in for effect. It was a delightful scene; a warm Crowley day, a fragrant, quaint little nursery with tons of lovely, blooming flowers and this brightly colored butterfly lazily floating by.

Seeing that pretty butterfly, in addition to the fact that my daughter had been learning about butterflies at school, peaked my interest concerning the development of these amazing little creatures. In my exploration, I discovered some remarkable similarities between my relationship with God and the different stages that the butterfly goes through to reach the end result – freedom in flight!

The four stages of butterfly development are: the egg, the caterpillar, the chrysalis (pupa) and the butterfly. The one that really caught my eye was the chrysalis stage and this is how it was described in an article I read while researching butterflies on the Internet: “When a caterpillar is full grown it attaches itself to a place to rest. It forms a chrysalis (cocoon) and goes into a type of hibernation. On the outside it looks like nothing is going on but changes are occurring inside the pupa that we can’t see. The internal systems are reorganizing and transforming into adult structures.”

I got so excited when I read about the transformation process that goes on inside of that cocoon. It so perfectly illustrates one of the most confounding and distressing stages that we can go through in our Christian journey: The waiting stage.  

God has determined that our lives would consist of many different times and seasons. There is a time to be happy and content with where we are spiritually, and a time to come up higher in the things of God. There is a time to wait patiently for the promises of God and a time to burst forth into the fullness of those promises. And when it comes to the timing and seasons of God, we can easily get off course and error in several ways.

The first way we can error is to resist the waiting stage, doubting that God is in control and accomplishing his will during this season. During the cocoon stage we are tempted to feel as though nothing is happening in our lives. Maybe the Lord has put a dream, desire or prayer in your heart that you have waited on for many years. Well, during this waiting stage huge transformations can be taking place in your heart and mind, causing you to be conformed more and more to the likeness of Christ. And just like the article from the Internet stated, “On the outside it looks like nothing is going on but changes are occurring inside that we can’t see.” We are to take heart when we find ourselves in what seems like an endless, restrictive, waiting stage. Changesare taking place, God is at work in our lives, and we are becoming new creatures in Christ. But we must carefully avoid the temptation to resist this productive stage of “waiting” and set out to make our own way, creating an Ishmael (Genesis 16).

The second way we can error when it comes to the timing of God is to let go of our faith and hope for the future, doubting that God will come through for us. Proverbs13:12 tells us that “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Hebrews 6:12 tells us to “…imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.” And when we look at the lives of Bible greats, such as Abraham, Moses or King David, we see that all of them were required to go through some pretty intense seasons of waiting and refining. But without fail God was faithful to them and without fail, God will be faithful to us.

Be encouraged; if you find that you’re in that cocoon-like waiting stage, your day will come! If you patiently endure and lovingly yield to the Lord, there will be a day when you burst out of that confinement – and fly in freedom!

There was a time when I thought that if I could just make enough money and have enough stuff, I’d be happy. In the process I amassed a great deal of credit card debt. The harder I worked the more enslaved I became. Reality began to set in that what I was doing wasn’t working so well. One morning I set out to buy groceries and came home with a car. 

My life changed radically when I found God in the Yellow Pages. I wandered into the back of a church and heard of Jesus who died for my sins, and who loved me for free with no strings attached. I decided then that I wanted an authentic relationship with Christ as my Lord and Savior, and that meant to believe He is who He says He is. One of the things that stood out to me, early on, was how God provided for His People in the Word, in very tangible and practical ways. It challenged me to take His Word literally, and with that reframe, God began transforming my life.

By the time I got married, I had paid off all my debt, except for a mortgage. We took a leap of faith to live on one income as the children arrived but there was constant pressure to make ends meet, and to live in the midst of a two-income culture.

My future husband and I got serious about money stewardship during our engagement counseling. Figuring it would be easier to discipline ourselves to live on one income from the beginning, rather than to get accustomed to living on two incomes and later go through the pain of giving up, we sought out materials from Larry Burkett (now Crown Ministries) to help us create a budget.

We found the best way to set a spending plan in place was to first track where our monies were going.  I kept track of each expenditure we made, and just forced it into one category or another, sort of a data collection.  Months later we could clearly see where our money was being spent and we were better able to evaluate and make decisions on better cost cutting choices.

Setting up an Escrow account was probably the most helpful budgeting tool.  We got this idea from our mortgage company, who was escrowing our taxes and insurance.  I set up a separate savings account that we would put money into, routinely, to save for future expenses.  This helped immensely flatten out our expense stream, and kept us from feeling like we had to charge large bills.

We started another separate savings account and started saving each month, calling it our "auto replacement fund."  The theory is to save a certain amount every month, and when we need to replace our car, we are able to pay cash for it, eliminating the car loan. 

Then over the years, we slowly added other savings areas that include "depreciation" accounts (major appliance replacement, roof replacement, etc.)  We slowly built up, over time, a savings account to keep three months take home pay in it, in the event we were out of income.  It's important to keep in mind that I was just putting away a dollar or twosome months.  It's just as important to develop the habit of savings, and to always save something. 

Over time, the Lord showed me that the pressure I felt was brought on myself, by indulging those spending habits we couldn’t afford. The Lord taught me that if my problem was money, I didn’t have a problem. I learned that my problems, once defined in monetary terms only, were something else. I needed to get my eyes off stuff (greed), get them off my neighbor (envy), get them off the culture and its entrapment’s (idolatry), and stop thinking I need to do it myself (pride). I needed to get my eyes on Jesus. Simple, but not easy.

We’ve seen the more we focus on the Lord - to dwell, gaze, seek and adore Him (Psalms 27:4) - the more He in turn provides for us, in practical ways: God provided the tuition for all three of our children to attend North Heights Christian Academy. God paid off our mortgage and gave us money for specific remodeling jobs. God provides the cars we drive, clothing we wear and vacations we take. God also provides peace, contentment, joy, and an abundant confidence He is in control of everything.

The Lord as our Provider means it’s His responsibility to take care of the Income side of the equation. Our responsibility, in turn, is to take care of the Expense side - to live within our means. Our priorities therefore are to Tithe, to give, to always spend less than we make, to save, and what’s left is available to spend.

I wouldn’t dare not Tithe: God says so! In God’s Economy we have so much more with 90% than we’d have with 100%. I don’t hesitate giving: when we give to the Lord, he turns right around and gives us what we need because He doesn’t need our money, He’s after our Hearts! You wouldn’t catch me charging for something we haven’t saved for: why add pressure by presuming upon the future? And you bet I’ve got my eyes on Jesus! To look elsewhere is one sin or another.

And they shall call His name Emmanuel--which, being translated, means, God with us. (Matt. 1:23 AMPL)

The new manger and "babe" lay mute in the midst of the choir room. Members of the Christmas musical stood about admiring it till one asked Pastor, "What do you see in the manger?" His answer wasn't "the baby Jesus." He said, "I see hay. Hay--like us. We are the hay in the manger, His comfort and support here on earth." I gasped.

I remembered playing as a child in Grandfather's haymow, feeling the harsh prickliness along with the give when we jumped in it. Hay wouldn't be a first choice on which to lay our heads. Now Pastor says I am like that raspy stuff for God? I knew I often felt like hay, all stubbly and rough. God using me despite my faults seemed a haymow high problem. Does He want my support anyway, me as a resting place for His use, a means by which He reaches out to others? Does He want me as He wanted hay for an earthly manger bed for His Son?

The thought demanded my acceptance. If God could put Jesus in a scratchy bed of hay as a baby, then He could put His Spirit in "scratchy" me for His loving use now. The symbolism fit.

PRAYER: Father, help me to trust Your use of me in all circumstances, for all people for Your purposes. May I always be ready to be used in Your service in any way.

It was just your average mid-winter day here on the Pacific coast of Washington. Gray, overcast, and a cool mist hanging in the air with just a slight taste of the ocean when breathed in. It can be depressing, when the sun is a distant memory and the dampness starts to creep into your bones. Spring is far away, and it's hard to rationalize that all this moisture is what will make it so beautiful later in the year. I was standing on the front porch, glumly kicking the first slug of the season off of the step, when I was surprised by what I saw in the flowerbed.

I had transplanted a few of the plants left by the previous owner, and among the poor little neglected roses that I had moved, a single pink bloom shone out like a bluebird in a flock of seagulls. This flower was barely more than a stem, leaves spotted and brown around the edges, and seemed hardly capable of supporting life, much less a bloom. Yet, there it stood, proud and lovely, sending up an offering of color and joy to whomever might chance to see it.

I had to smile at the beauty and the bravery of the small rose. This won't be the last bud to adorn it and I know that it won't be the prettiest, but this little plant overcame cold, damp conditions in new surroundings to grow the best bloom that it could. At a time when most plants are dormant and resting, this one decided to go ahead and do what it does best, even though it wasn't a perfect effort.

I guess the lesson to be learned from the rose is that when the conditions aren't the most conducive to our efforts, when it's harder to perform, and we're not in peak condition, it's still alright to do what we can do, even if the results aren't perfect. Even an imperfect rose is a beautiful joyful sight, when it's the only rose around. Spread joy where and when you can, and share the light of the love of the Lord. No one is perfect except for Him, so our efforts will fall short time and again, but shine where you can and be a rose in God's garden.

    Cindy is a mom of three boys and the wife of a corrections officer living on the coast of Washington. The role of stay-at-home mom is new to her, but she feels fortunate to be able to be here for her family. She says, "At 45 years old, I've already had an 18 year career in 'the world' and I'm ready to make God, my husband, and kids first in my life. The Lord has blessed us in so many ways, and the closer we try to get to Him, the more he shows us. My plan is to seek His path daily and follow where He leads, not to go where I think is best and "bust through the brush" as I am prone to do..."