The Man I Want to Know

by Cyndie Pineda –

I once read the first part of a wonderful book that told how a young man remembered his Sunday school class and the smell of crayons and glue. The stories that were shared of a man named Jesus had often crossed his mind, although for many years he did not understand the stories.

I suppose when I read this my own memories of a Sunday school classroom flooded back into view. Not the smell of crayons and glue, not the stories, although for many years I could remember the stories and saw them as just that, stories that were nothing but fictional characters who never lived, and never spent any time walking this earth. But for me the most vivid memory of a Sunday school room, was a picture mounted on one of the walls. There sat a man with a beard, children on his lap and sitting about him, all looking up to him. This man was depicted as Jesus. The loving savior who had come so many years ago to die on a cross in some far away land.

When I looked up at that picture, what I saw were the children there. So perfect and innocent, I could never be one of those children. Even then my own sin and shame put feelings of guilt on me that I would carry far into my adulthood.

I knew from very early on that I was a sinner. But my belief was that I was such a horrible person, both inside and out, that God could never love me, and that John 3:16 was written for the rest of the world, everyone but me.

How could God even bear to look down on someone as terrible as me, as sinful as me, and be able to forgive me, or want to do anything for me?

Even as a parent, I could not begin to comprehend the Father’s love that He has for His children. I was anything but His child. I was simply a creature of being, evil and unwanted, and unloved. Nothing to ever be valued or considered by the world, and especially not by Him.

I looked on that wall and there hung the picture of a perfect man, with a perfect life, who had died. How could a person take away my sin and guilt? How could I ever accept that gift if it were really true that He had done that for me?

At the time I had not learned, and certainly did not understand, that His perfect life was far from perfect. His own people hated him, and condemned Him to die in a manner that was crueler than I can even now comprehend.

He was a perfect man, living a sinless and blameless life in the midst of adversity. His perfection came from the Father above, who had sent Him to die for someone as horrible and sinful as me. The Bible says, “yet while we were still sinners, he died for us,” and yes He even died for me and for you! It is that unimaginable love that can break down walls and barriers we put into our lives and others can be a part in building up. One thing we must remember is although others may hurt us and help in the building of those walls and barriers, others who are filled with the love of Christ, who are filled with His spirit, can help in tearing down those walls, opening us up to the freedom that can only be found in Christ.

I ask you to read this with an open mind, and the realization that while I want to be able to reach out and to help others understand just what God’s incredible love can do, I am a sinner, no more and no less than any of us all. Sin is not something judged on a scale of 1 to 10 in God’s eyes, but it is sin. For we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and there is not a day that passes that I do not continue to fall short of that goal, but each day as I walk along the path of life, I make the choice to walk in His fullness, grace, and mercy. For it is in that grace and mercy that my life even exists. I pray that the words I write here, and always, are not my own, but the message of love, peace, mercy, grace, understanding, and most of all acceptance, that He chooses to convey through me.

Cyndie is a single mom of one daughter. God has grown her through the trials in her life – and everyday He continues to be faithful. Cyndie is a nurse and struggles with MS. She lives with her daughter Texas.